Every Day Is Father’s Day and Mother’s Day

On May 9, 2021, upon returning from the Buddha Day Ceremony at Tzu Chi Malacca, volunteer Tan Yow Jiuan arranged a simple ceremony for her aged parents at home. She plucked some flowers and tied them into a little bouquet with a few pandan leaves, for her 85-year-old mother, Neo Yau. Her mother held the flower in one hand and smiled sweetly, while her 90-year-old father, Tan Kee Siam, pressed his palms together to pay respect reverently to the Buddha.

“We are old and cannot do anything now. Without her, we are hopeless! She would do house chores when she comes home, and prepare food for us before leaving home.” Kee Siam was thankful that his daughter has taken good care of them.

Every morning, Yow Jiuan would prepare breakfast for her parents, give them a massage, bring them out to the sun, bathe them, get them to put money in the Bamboo Bank while praying for blessings for themselves and the world, and chat with them. On the few days in a week that she has designated for Tzu Chi’s work, she would prepare snacks for her parents and ensure that everything is taken care of before leaving home. If she needs to leave home for a longer period, she would then inform her family members to help look after her parents.

“Do not wait until we are retired to do what we want to do. Slowly develop the habit of doing good deeds and fulfilling filial duty now instead of waiting,” shared Yow Jiuan, who seizes the present to do what she intends to do, in order not to have any regrets later.

Yow Jiuan came across Tzu Chi’s Jing Si Aphorism Teaching Method in 2000, at the kindergarten she served. The aphorism, “Filial piety and good deeds should not be delayed,” inspired her to quit her job to take care of her parents full-time.

However, with her life centred entirely around her parents, she was physically and mentally exhausted. She wanted to take a breather through Tzu Chi’s activities, but her request was met with her family’s misunderstanding. Fortunately, she was quick to change her mindset and to consider things from her family’s perspective. After further communication, they finally concurred and gave their blessings.

Initially, Yow Jiuan’s parents would try to stop her from going out. She patiently shared with them about Tzu Chi and proved to them that she would still take good care of them and cook for them like before.

However, more challenges came since 2009. First, her father had a neck inflammation, which eventually caused weakness in the right side of his body. Then, Yow Jiuan was diagnosed with cervical cancer. A few years later, she experienced hand weakness, which affected her grip. She underwent several surgeries, only to endure greater challenges with her mother suffering a minor stroke in 2019, which relapsed half a year later, causing speech loss and paralysis.

Despite the circumstances, Yow Jiuan has never once considered sending her parents to a nursing home. “Being there for our parents when they need us, that is filial piety,” she shared, standing firm in the obligation to repay her parents’ kindness.

She always encourages people around her to go home for a meal and spend time with their parents. Likewise, when her family members drop by for a visit, she would whip up a meal for them to enjoy with the parents.

Seeing how Yow Jiuan takes care of her parents with great care, her children are also thoughtful and considerate. They would spend Mother’s Day with her by joining her at Tzu Chi’s Buddha Day Ceremony. “They accompanied me to do good deeds together. I considered that an act of filial piety,” said Yow Jiuan, contentedly.

Heeding the Master’s words, “It is a blessing if you can continue to serve even when you are old,” Yow Jiuan has made recycling, home visits to needy families, and other charitable activities her breaks from caring for her sick parents, fully utilizing her time for meaningful deeds.

To her, every day is Father’s Day and Mother’s Day; especially if her parents are safe, well and happy.

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